Dan Kennedy Blog Thing: ReallySmallTalk.com

postcard from Rock On reading Galway

THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT STAND-UP COMEDY: PART 11

by Harris Bloom

"Comics - A Different (and Sometimes Annoying) Breed"

I hate to stereotype, but most comics I’ve come across are neurotic. They see slights by others when none were intended, they agonize over a poor reception to one joke and they all seem to have had the kind of childhoods that has lead to life-long anxiety. For instance, I did a bringer show a few weeks ago. Like the vast majority of bringer shows, it wasn’t very good. In fact, the other comics were so bad that I wrote a blog entry about it, but without mentioning the club or show by name. The thing is, the show booker is a good guy and he likes my act, so I got a lot of time onstage and only had to bring a couple of people. The day after the show, I wrote him a comment on his MySpace page, thanking him for the show and making a joke about his poker playing. I also wrote him a private message telling him that I’d like to do the show again, bringing a few people. A few day later, I noticed he hadn’t written back to me. I checked his MySpace page – he erased my comment!

At first, I wondered what the heck was going on…then I remembered: the blog entry! He must’ve read it (I sent him my blog address as part of my message to him) and decided I was a jerk.
I wrote emails to two mutual friends, asking if they’d heard anything from him about me. Nothing.

I wrote to him, asking what was up…why hadn’t he responded to my e-mail, and why had he taken down my comment?

He didn’t write back for two days. In the interim, I assumed that I had burned a bridge.

When he did write back, he told me that he’d been too busy to log onto his computer. He took down the comment because he didn’t want industry people to think he had a gambling problem, and that he’d love for me to do his show again. And oh yeah, he thought my blog entry about his show was hilarious.
See? Comics are neurotic.

--Harris Bloom

IN CASE YOU TWITTER

Right, so -- at the McSweeney's/826 Valencia benefit gig, I mentioned something in the panel discussion about how I'm constantly typing ideas and stuff on my phone when I'm walking around New York. During the break, someone told me about Twitter. I didn't know what that meant. So I ignored the interesting young person and went back to my hotel to be old and normal and continue in my ways. And then in Portland someone told me about it. And in Chicago. And then the next thing you now, I've been all set up to rock you on Twitter. So far I've let nobody in particular know that two homeless drunk men were fighting. You're welcome, America.

DSK

RUMORS OF MY DEATH SOMEWHAT EXAGERATED

Just so ya know, it's all about this for a little while longer. There are some notes from the road here and then in March will likely be stumbling back over here to ReallySmallTalk.

Dan

PRAYING TO DEVIL, READYING FOR ROCK ON BOOK TOUR

January 30th, 2008

It’s almost time to get on the road. We’re running through the last minute stuff here. Smoke machines are getting serviced and tested, the huge Rock On skull with snakes coming out of its eyes had some electrical problems, but I think my road tech got it fixed. Some bookstores have refused to let us put rigging into the ceiling so I can be lowered into the reading area on the huge hydraulic forked tail…so in some of the bookstores I will simply do a stripped down show and enter from the front of the store, running through the crowd to the podium, shooting my Jack Daniels cannon into people’s mouths as I plow through. There was an article in Boston that accidentally listed the Brookline date as 2/5 — it is, in fact, 2/12. The McSweeney’s folks have posted a nice succinct list of Rock On tour dates with addresses. I’ve got to run out and get an extra pair of glasses for the road, some electrical tape for my nipples, and a class C pyrotech license for the larger stores I’ll be reading in. — DSK

P.S. You can now also send an excerpt of "Rock On: An Office Power Ballad" to a friend via the “email this” feature. I don’t know…there’s just something very appropriate about being able to get part of a book about a record company job for free on the internet so you can share it for free with your peers.

A HAIKU FROM JANUARY 18 2008

Bobby this won't mean
that Spassky won in the end
genius, mad, then gone.

You've Asked How to Write Advertising Copy

And in the face of a demanding schedule, I have once again reached out to America with tips on how to create More Truly Groundbreaking Copywriting. It is at the McSweeney's site. You're welcome, and I'm sorry.

-Dan Kennedy

There's Nothing Funny About Stand-Up Comedy: Part 10

By Harris Bloom

"Will the Real Richard Stein Please Stand Up?"

It was recently announced that The (World Famous) Comic Strip would no longer be holding open auditions. This is a sad day for comics like me who looked forward to the semi-annual opportunity to perform for the club's booker, and hear how we sucked. We'd all get in line on the specified date, pick a date out of the hat, and come back to perform on that evening's show. I'd get quite nervous going up, as getting passed by The Comic Strip can really put you on the comedic map. The last time I auditioned, I was nervous just signing up...

One of my comedy buds, "Richard Stein," was busy with a comedy class he was taking so he couldn't make it to the club to sign up. Knowing that they just take your info and give you a date, he asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to make some quick dough. Enter my work-friend, "Mike."

Mike agreed, for fifty bucks, to wait in line with me, and get Rich his audition date. I gave him Rich's info - phone number, e-mail address, home address - and told him to put Rich's phone number in his cell just in case he forgets his own number. He refused to convert to Judaism and shave his head to facilitate the deception.

We got in line at 5:15 (already about 100 comics there)...and stalking the line is Stewart Alberts, one of the managers from the New York Comedy Club. He was using the Comic Strip auditions to get phone numbers of comics to call to do "bringer shows" at his club. Stewart greets me but doesn't take my info since we've talked before, and he knows I wouldn't be interested. Then he approaches Rich/Mike....

Stewart - Hi, don't think I know you, I'm Stewart Alberts, manager at the New York Comedy Club.

Rich/Mike - Hi, "Richard Stein."

Stewart (thinking) - Didn't we meet before?

Rich/Mike (nervous) - No, I don't think so

Stewart (frowning) - Your name sounds familiar, but you look different (note - I swear that's what he said)

Rich/Mike (more nervous) - nope...not me

Stewart - Okay, well, gimmee your phone number and we'll call you for auditions to our club (note: Stewart's idea of an "audition" if for you to bring people to the club and him telling you that you need more practice...so bring more people)

Rich/Mike - Okay, it's...ummm...917-...ummm (retrieving cell phone) - I just got a new number and I can't remember it - okay - it's 917-816-1050...wait! 1030...yeah 917-816-1030

By the time he spit it out, Stewart was looking at me with a "Is this guy for real?" look.

After Stewart moved on, I texted Rich, "You might wanna steer clear of the New York Comedy Club for the next few months."

-- Harris Bloom

Psst: See Mr. Bloom's blogging situation.

PHOTO: Hello from The Moth StorySLAM in NYC

Sent in by the lovely and talented Hilary McHone.

Rock-O-Nator

In case you weren't aware, there is now this groundbreaking piece of technology that I've developed with a team of scientists and musicians. Yeah, so...

Prepare to have your mind blown by the chilling accuracy of what happens when I coax music and technology together in order to introduce you to, um...anyway, please enjoy THE ROCKONATOR.